Illegal Smile When I woke up this morning, things were looking bad Seemed like total silence was the only friend I had Bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down, and won And it was 12 o'clock before I realized I was having no fun Ahhh, but fortunately, I have the key to escape reality And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile It don't cost very much but it lasts a long while Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone No I'm just trying to have me some fun Last time I checked my bankroll, it was gettin thin Sometimes it seems like the bottom is the only place I've been I chased a rainbow down a one-way street, dead end And all my friends turned out to be insurance salesmen Ahhh, but fortunately, I have the key to escape reality And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile It don't cost very much but it lasts a long while Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone No I'm just trying to have me some fun Well I sat down in my closet with all my overalls Trying to get away from all the ears inside my walls Dreamed the police heard everything I though what then Well I went to court and the judge's name was Hoffman* Ahhh, but fortunately, I have the key to escape reality And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile It don't cost very much but it lasts a long while Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone No I'm just trying to have me some fun Well done, Hot dog bun, My sister's a nun * Julius Hoffman notorious judge of the "Chicago Seven" or "Chicago Eight" so-called conspirators accused of rioting during the 1968 Democratic convention.