When I woke up this morning Things were looking bad Seemed like total silence Was the only friend I had Bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down And won And it was 12 o'clock before I realized I was having No fun Ahhh, but fortunately I have the key To escape reality And you may see me tonight With an illegal smile It don't cost very much But it lasts a long while Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone No I'm just trying to have me Some fun Last time I checked my bankroll It was gettin thin Sometimes it seems like the bottom Is the only place I've been I chased a rainbow down a one-way street Dead end And all my friends turned out to be insurance Salesmen Ahhh, but fortunately I have the key To escape reality And you may see me tonight With an illegal smile It don't cost very much But it lasts a long while Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone No I'm just trying to have me Some fun Well I sat down in my closet With all my overalls Trying to get away from All the ears inside my walls Dreamed the police heard everything I though What then Well I went to court and the judge's name was Hoffman* Ahhh, but fortunately I have the key To escape reality And you may see me tonight With an illegal smile It don't cost very much But it lasts a long while Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone No I'm just trying to have me Some fun Well done Hot dog bun My sister's a nun * Julius Hoffman notorious judge of the "Chicago Seven" or "Chicago Eight" so-called conspirators accused of rioting during the 1968 Democratic convention.